INT. BEDROOM
ELI tucks himself into bed.
ELI
Ahh, I can't wait to escape into my dreams. Right Mr. Blubablub?
ELI pets the nose of his stuffed Manatee doll.
ELI
You can't talk. (Yawns) Man, I am wasted.
ELI passes out instantly. The screen beings to waver back and forth as we enter ELI's dream
INT. ELI's DREAM
The screen wavers back in to fantasy barnyard world. In the distance are rolling hills and trees here and there. In front of ELI is a red barn out of which strolls a person in a horse suit.
HORSE
Oh, it's Eli! We've been expecting you!
ELI
Really? Me?
A person in a cow suit comes out next
COW
Eli! Thank heaven's you showed up. We were going to start without you.
ELI
Start what?
HORSE
If we have to tell you, you'll never know.
ELI
A surprise? I love surprises!
COW
You shouldn't go in the barn then, Eli.
ELI rushes in giddily but is met with a terrifying sight. He screams.
ELI
Oh god! What are you doing? No, no sheep fucking chickens?!
ELI rushes for the door but it slams in his face.
ELI
It's an orgy! An orgy! Why!
INT. ELI'S BEDROOM
ELI wakes up out of breath and covered in sweat.
ELI
That was sick! Jesus.
ELI looks down at his sheets. He's had a wet dream.
ELI
Oh, what the fuck? Really? That made me cum? Goddammit!
ELI throws the sheets off the bed.
INT. TOY STORE
ELI and his friend JOSH are walking down an aisle full of stuffed animals.
ELI
Dude, your sister is like 17 why are you buying her dolls.
JOSH
17-year olds still play with dolls.
ELI
No, they don't.
JOSH
I'm sorry I'm not hobbing all the knobs at local Glendale High.
ELI
What does that even mean?
JOSH
I don't know but it's written on this Bratz box. "Complete with knob hobbing kit." Huh.
ELI looks over at the other end of the aisle. He see's a pile of farm animals.
ELI
Hey, don't those farm animals seem a bit, a bit suspicious.
JOSH
What?
JOSH looks over at the farm animals. Nothing unusual.
JOSH
No. Help me choose a Bratz.
ELI
I'm serious.
ELI begins to sweat. He pulls his collar.
ELI
I think the pig is winking at me.
Sure enough a Pig doll winks at ELI and motions him over. ELI looks at JOSH who is inspecting the BRATZ dolls then heads to the stuffed animal pile.
JOSH
Which one: the Blasian or the Hispano? Eli? Eli?
JOSH turns around to see ELI humping the pile of animals. He seems posessed. A mother and daughter walk-by. The daughter drops her mouth and points. The mother doesn't even notice and keeps going dragging the daughter away.
ELI
Uh, uh, uh, uh, take it you barnyard Betty.
JOSH tackles ELI knocking him on the floor.
ELI
Ahhhh! My cock!
The MOTHER turns around and gasps.
MOTHER
You animals!
JOSH picks ELI up. The MOTHER screams further as ELI looks down to realize his crotch is holding up a pig doll. The two run for the exit and crash into two burly security guards.
INT. TOY STORE INTERROGATION ROOM
On a TV screen replays the security footage from the aisle. ELI can be seen humping the farm animals, then JOSH tackles ELI. The TV rests on a table, on one side is ELI and JOSH on the other is the MANAGER of the Toy Store, the two security guards block the door both are trying not to laugh.
MANAGER
You two get the fuck out of here! This isn't funny.
The guards keep laughing as they leave.
Guard 1
Yo, I got to get that on YouTube.
ELI looks mortified.
MANAGER
So what do we got here? I'll tell you what we got. A fucking furry.
ELI
What?
MANAGER
Think you can come into any toy store and fuck our stuffed animals. You and your furry kind disgust me.
JOSH
Eli, you're a furry?
ELI
No, look, Mr. Manager. I just had a one-time incident. Look I, I went to a hypnotist show the other night and he, he did something to me.
MANAGER
Oh, really? You're going to play the hypnotist card? Kid, do you know how many of you scum ball freaks try to fuck my toys every week? You're the fourth today!
ELI
I'm no furry. Never have been, never will.
JOSH
Yeah, we talk about girls all the time!
MANAGER
Are they hairy girls my friend? Are the girls of the Latin persuasion? Are they unshaved?
JOSH
Eli he's describing all your porn.
ELI
Look, what do we have to do to get out of this mess.
MANAGER
Buy everything you rubbed your schlong on and never set foot in here again or else I'll have your dick squeezed off with G.I. Joe's Karate Grip.
ELI
Deal.
EXT. TOY STORE
ELI and JOSH walk out from the back of the Toy store. ELI carries a bag of stuffed animals
ELI
Can I get that video of me humping the-
The door slams shut.
ELI
Okay.
JOSH
So, do you want to-
ELI
We'll never speak of this again.
JOSH
But you're a fur-
ELI grabs JOSH and throws him against a dumpster.
ELI
You don't tell this to anyone. You hear me? If anyone ever finds out I swear to God I will burn your house down. You never bring up the word furry or fuzzy or whatever those animal fucking freaks are called. I'm not like them. I'm not!
ELI starts to breakdown. He lets go of JOSH and cries. JOSH approaches but ELI throws the stuffed animals and runs away crying and screaming.
INT. ELI'S CAR
ELI is in his car crying.
INT. WENDY's
ELI is crying as he eats a sandwich.
INT. ELI'S BATHROOM
ELI is in the shower crying. The phone begins to ring. ELI picks it up.
ELI
Hello?
JOSH
Eli, it's Josh? Where are you? You left me here at the toy store 40 minutes ago.
ELI
You're still there? I'm sorry, look I'll get out of the shower and-
JOSH
Shower? Should you be on the phone while in the shower? Dude, you’ll get electrocuted!
ELI
Wha-What do you mean? Ow!
The water causes the phone to lightly shock ElI.
ELI
Ahhhhhh!
ELI overacts, slips and falls in the shower. He lies on the shower floor with blood coming out of his head.
JOSH
Eli? Eli? Dude, did you get electrocuted? Oh my god! Eli’s been electrocuted!
INT. ELI'S MIND
ELI is standing on a dark street corner. This time a woman in a rooster suit stands under a street light. The ROOSTER wears a skimpy skirt.
ROOSTER
Well, cock-a-doodle-doo who do we have here? It's Eli, ladies!
Down the street ELI can make out the outlines of a group of FURRY PROSTITUTES.
ELI
No! Get away from me! I know what you want to do to me and it's wrong! Wrong!
A person in a sheep suit walks out from the barn.
ROOSTER
Oh, Eli, isn't it the things you want to do to us?
ELI grabs the sides of his head, screams and runs away down an alleyway that turns into a dead end.
ELI
No! No! This isn't happening! I am not turned on by farm animals. That isn't possible!
The FURRY PROSTITUTES corner ELI as he curls up into the fetal position and begins to cry.
INT. HOSPITAL ROOM
A team of medics surround ELI's corpse. The heart monitor has gone dead.
NURSE
We've lost him, doctor.
DOCTOR
Goddamnit! Another one gone! Will anyone survive the emergency ward?
NURSE
Don't beat yourself up, Henry.
DOCTOR
I know. It's just...I was so close.
The DOCTOR has his backed turned away from ELI. ELI jumps up screaming.
ELI
No! I'm not a furry!
NURSE
Ahhhhh!
DOCTOR
Oh my god! You're alive son! Not dead!
ELI
The furries! There everywhere!
The NURSE catches her breath.
NURSE
Calm, down. You're probably just a little freaked out. There are no furries here. Oh, eww.
ELI
Huh? Oh for the love of marmalade.
ELI looks down. He ejaculated.
DOCTOR
Now, son is there something you want to tell me? About furries?
ELI
No, nothing at all!
ELI gets up off the operating table.
ELI
Thank you very much, Doctor. You guys did a terrific job. Really got the old ticker a-beating! I'm gonna get going. You can just send the bill in the mail.
ELI pats the DOCTOR on the back and heads for the door.
DOCTOR
Wait, we need to talk. You need some help, son.
ELI
Nope, no I don't
ELI runs through the door.
INT. WAITING ROOM
The waiting room is a few chairs, a children's play set and some stuffed animals. JOSH sits in the waiting room. He's reading an old issue of Highlights Magazine. ELI rushes into the room, not even noticing JOSH, and heads for the exit. JOSH sees ELI and jumps up to catch him.
JOSH
Eli, you're alive!
JOSH gives ELI a hug, a hug that ELI does not take well. JOSH begins to tear up.
JOSH
We almost lost you, buddy. If it wasn't for me. Oh!
ELI
Thanks, thanks pal. Look, I need to go. I have issues to-to...
ELI catches eye of the stuffed animals in the corner of the room. He turns around immediately.
ELI
I have to go. Before the urges...take...control...
ELI rushes out of the waiting room, leaving JOSH alone. Suddenly, the DOCTOR bursts into the waiting room.
DOCTOR
Where is he?
JOSH
Who?
Doctor
The Furry addict. Look, he needs to be taken into our care. Only we can help.
JOSH
Eli? He just left. He seemed fine.
DOCTOR
Nurse, call the FBI. We have a runaway. Son, you need to tell me everything you know. Anything that we can use to catch him.
JOSH
Isn't this a bit extreme?
DOCTOR
Do you know anything about furries, son? It spreads through the minds and bodies, turning normal heterosexual males into cow humping, chicken jerking furry-fucking freaks!
JOSH
Spreads?
DOCTOR
How long have you known Eli?
JOSH
Oh years. We met at a Petting Zoo.
DOCTOR
Nurse! Get this man in isolation! He maybe infected!
JOSH
What?
JOSH gets pulled out of his seat.
EXT. STREET
ELI is running down the street. He ducks down an alley and stops for a breath.
ELI
Oh my god! I am not a freak. I like fucking humans damnit! Humans!
ELI punches his groin. He falls to the floor wincing.
PROSTITUE
Need a hand, kid?
ELI looks up, there's a PROSTITUTE in the alley.
ELI
Oh, thank you! Yes! Can you have sex with me?
PROSTITUTE
It'll cost you.
ELI pulls out a wad of cash.
ELI
Anything! Please, I need to be a man.
PROSTITUTE
Honey, you're getting with Chaniqua. I turn boys into men for breakfast.
ELI
I'll pay for breakfast too. Wait what?
PROSTITUTE
Mmmmmmmmm.
INT. ISOLATION ROOM
The DOCTOR and a FBI AGENT stand behind a glass pane that allows them to look into an all white room that has JOSH, who's wearing a straitjacket.
FBI AGENT
You're telling me this thing can spread?
DOCTOR
Yes, anyone can become a furry. It's like AIDS or the Bubonic plague. Just being around someone with the disease will manifest it inside you.
FBI AGENT
And there's no cure?
DOCTOR
No, not that we know of. Most of the time the furries stick together and go to conventions. They don't associate with outsiders. Something must be causing this. Something must be happening in the furry world.
FBI AGENT
What do you propose, Doctor?
DOCTOR
We only have one hope. We have to send him in to their largest furry convention and infiltrate their inner circle.
FBI AGENT
Do you think he's up for it?
DOCTOR
It doesn't matter if he already has the furry in him. It's only a matter of time before we all have it.
INT. HOTEL ROOM
ELI is having sex with the PROSTITUTE. There doing it in the missionary position.
PROSTITUTE
Come on, sugar. You know this is by the minute right?
ELI
Oh, god. I'm so close. I just need one thing.
PROSTITUTE
Anything!
ELI stops humping.
ELI
Can you...No..I can't
PROSTITUTE
I've done weird shit before white boy.
ELI
Okay...Can you moo a little?
PROSTITUTE
Like a cow? You a damned freak boy.
ELI
Well, any animal, really. Maybe an Emu?
PROSTITUTE
Wait, you ain't no fucking furry are you?
ELI
What? No, no, no! I just-just grew up on a farm, yeah. I'm so used to cumming to the sounds of animals in the background that it's hard when there aren't any.
PROSTITUTE
Okay, but I'm going to charge you extra.
ELI
Thank you! Thank you!
ELI resumes humping as the PROSTITUTE begins to moo.
INT. UNDERCOVER VAN
JOSH is in a bear suit as two FBI AGENTS brief him on his mission.
FBI AGENT 1
We've given you the identity of "Huggy Bear," he's a prominent member of the furry elite.
JOSH
Who was the real "Huggy Bear?"
FBI AGENT 2
We picked him up a week ago when he was at Yellowstone. None of the other furries know.
FBI AGENT 1
You need to attend the main meeting and see what their motives are.
FBI AGENT 2
There's a camera in the head that will allow us to see what's going on. All you need to do is get inside.
JOSH
What if they, you know, try to have sex with me.
The AGENTS give each other a grim look.
FBI AGENT 1
Son, this is a suicide mission.
FBI AGENT 2
We're not expecting you to make it back.
JOSH
What?!? Why am I doing this?!?
FBI AGENT 1
It's because you're already infected. You don't have much time before you're just like them.
JOSH
Is there anything...anything-
FBI AGENT 1
Get in there and find out what's going on. It's possible this is reversible. They may have a cure.
JOSH
That's it? But, but my girlfriend, my parents, my dog...
FBI AGENT 2
We’ll tell them you died an honorable death fighting terrorism in Iraq. They'll never know the ugly truth.
JOSH
Alright, I guess I have no choice.
JOSH puts on the bear head.
FBI AGENT 2
That's the spirit!
FBI AGENT 1
There's a mic in the head. We'll be in constant communication.
JOSH
Alright.
FBI AGENT 1
And lube.
JOSH opens the van door and steps out.
FBI AGENT 1
Godspeed!
INT. HOTEL ROOM
ELI is crying in the shower as the PROSTITUTE flips through the television. She stops on a breaking news report; on the screen are a REPORTER and an OFFICER.
REPORTER
Is there anything you can tell me about this escape?
OFFICER
All we have is this security footage from a local toy store
The video of ELI humping the stuffed farm animals plays. The OFFICE talks over it.
OFFICER
His name is Eli Weston. He's an escaped furry who has an insatiable urge to have sex with animals. His disease is contagious to anyone who has had contact with him. If you see him, run and hide. Call the police immediately.
The PROSTITUTE's mouth drops open.
PROSTITUTE
Oh no he didn't!
She grabs the phone next to her bed and dials.
PROSTITUTE
Police! I have him! The Furry is at the Holiday Inn off Route 45.
INT. FURRY CONVENTION
JOSH walks through the convention floor. People in animal costumes surround him. He sees booths selling bizarre furry memorabilia. The voices of the AGENTS can be heard in JOSH's head.
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
Don't get distracted, son. I know it maybe hard but-
JOSH
I'm not a furry.
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
Look, they're gathering over there.
Ahead JOSH can see a sign that says "Grand Meeting" and it is placed in front of a cloaked entranceway.
JOSH
That doesn't look very welcoming. Can't I just ask someone about-
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
No! You get in that meeting. Stop being a pansy, damnit. We're already losing him!
JOSH
No, no I'm here. I'll go.
JOSH walks towards the cloaked entranceway. He pulls back the cloak and walks-in.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
The room is full of red chairs, most filled by people in animal costumes. In the rows are candle holders, in fact candles are the only thing lighting in the room, giving it an erotic feel. In front of the room is a stage covered in red velvet, at the center of which is a podium with a mic, that is flanked by more candle holders. A person in a basset hound suit wearing a crimson red robe approaches the mic.
BASSET HOUND
Dogs and cats, cows and sheeps, birds and squrriels, unicorns and dragons, my brothers and sisters. I would like to call to order the 234th Annual Meeting of the Furries!
The room erupts in applause.
BASSET HOUND
This is a momentous occasion for the furry world. But before we go on with the details of our plan for Furry Domination-
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
This is it!
BASSET HOUND
We must initiate this meeting with our ritualistic orgy.
JOSH
What?
The room erupts in more applause and cheers.
BASSET HOUND
Remember be courteous with your neighbor and always say please.
JOSH
Woah, woah, what do I do?
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
You have to go with the flow, son.
JOSH
Huh? No way!
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
There's a fly in front of the suit and a flap in the back. Lube's in the head.
A person in bee suit turns to JOSH
BEE
Bzzz, bzzz may I sting you, please?
INT. HOTEL ROOM
ELI is getting out of the bathroom. He has a towel wrapped around his waist and is rubbing his head with another.
ELI
Man, I think I'm ready for another romp through the hay. Maybe less animal sounds-
ELI realizes that the PROSTITUTE is gone. ELI grabs his pants. He pulls out his wallet. All the money is gone.
ELI
Whore! That whore!
There's a knock at the door
POLICE (V.O.)
Police! Open up, Eli. We know you're in there.
ELI
Damnit! Damnit!
ELI puts some pants on, he looks out the window. Outside he sees police cars.
ELI
Shit! What do I do? Thnk Eli, think! Okay, you're a hotel room and...
There's more knocking at the door.
POLICE (V.O.)
Eli! Open up!
ELI
What have movies taught you about escaping from a hotel room? The bathroom window!
ELI runs into the bathroom. There's no window.
ELI
Fuck! Okay, another movie, um.
ELI catches sight of an air vent across from in the main room.
ELI
Air vent! Eli you're a genius!
More knocking at the door. ELI runs to the air vent. He scratches and claws at the grate.
POLICE (V.O.)
Alright, bust it open.
Fortunately for ELI the grate is easily removed. He crawls in and remembers to put the grate in place just as the POLICE burst in. ELI makes his escape.
INT. CONFERENCE ROOM
The orgy has wrapped up and the meeting continues as if there was never any debauchery. JOSH retakes his seat.
JOSH
Ow, ow, ow.
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
What is it?
JOSH
It hurts when I sit now.
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
Man up! It was a small price to pay to ensure the future of mankind.
JOSH
Small price? My asshole is a small price to pay?!? I may need a bag to-
The person in a Unicorn suit next to JOSH gives him a nudge. JOSH realizes he's being awfully loud.
JOSH
Sorry, I'm uh, sore.
The person in a Unicorn suit pulls out a tube of Preparation H and offers it to JOSH.
JOSH
No! That's-that's okay. Thanks.
The BASSET HOUND leader takes the podium.
BASSET HOUND
Now that we have officially started this meeting we can get to business.
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
Finally!
BASSET HOUND
As you know Operation: Barnstorm has been a resounding success. We've so far converted these major US Congressmen to our cause.
On stage walk out three people in animal suits, one a dragon, one a rabbit and another a penguin.
BASSET HOUND
May I introduce Jim Clarkson, April Morganweather and Jose Henderson.
The trio wave there hands at the crowd. The saying "I got fucked by a Congressmen!" can be distinctly heard.
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
Oh my God.
BASSET HOUND
This time next year we hope to have all of Congress! Mwahahaha!
DOCTOR (V.O.)
Wait, really?
BASSET HOUND
Once we have them. We will control the world! Or well, the legislative agenda!
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
This is good enough! Josh can you hear me?
JOSH
Yeah, I've been hearing you this whole time.
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
You need to get out of there. It's going to be sunk into the Earth.
JOSH
What?!? You're going to level this place? How?
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
Move now and I'll explain.
JOSH gets up and rushes out of the room
INT. VENTILATION DUCT
ELI is crawling through.
ELI
Hahaha, I'm going to make it. I'm really going to make it. No one's going to stop me. Hahaha!
INT. HOTEL CHECK
The MANAGER stands behind a desk talking to two COPs. They both hear ELI.
COP 1
Do your air ducts usually sound like people?
MANAGER
Nope.
COP 2
Hmmmm.
The cops look at one another.
EXT. PARKING LOT
ELI is thrown on the hood of a car. He's handcuffed and being searched by the cops.
ELI
Ow! Oh god! That hurt.
COP
Shut up, pig fucker. We know what you are.
ELI
Pig fucker? Oh that's rich coming from you guys.
COP
Get in the fucking car.
The COP picks ELI off the hood of the car and shoves him inside.
INT. FURRY CONVENTION
JOSH runs out of the Furry Convention as fast as he can while dodging and weaving all of the
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
We've been tracking these scumbags for years. Always knew they were up to something. No one dresses up as an animal and starts fucking other animals just because. There's an ulterior motive, Hoover knew it. That's why he ordered we monitor them.
JOSH
But that must've been like 40 years ago? You guys haven't done anything?
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
Look, Hoover had us monitor a lot of stuff. Besides these furries ain't been up to anything until recently. A month ago Congressman Allen Wrench had gone missing. He turned up dead in a dumpster and dressed as a giraffe. We knew it was furry shit but didn't have the evidence. But thanks to you we have proof of what they're doing.
JOSH
Great, fantastic!
JOSH has made it to the exit.
EXT. CONVENTION CENTER PARKING LOT
JOSH looks around for the van that he got out of.
JOSH
Where the hell are you guys?
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
You kidding, me? That place is getting blown to bits. We're in another town.
JOSH
What about me? Where am I supposed to go?
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
Run! Head for the hills!
JOSH begins to run.
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
The typical interrogation room set-up: table, single light hanging above and a one-way window. ELI is handcuffed to a chair at the table as two Detectives grill him. One sits at the table while the other stands next to ELI and slaps him hard.
ELI
Ow!
Detective 1
Look, Eli. If that is your real name. You better start talking.
DETECTIVE 2
We got enough shit that will stick to you that you'll be looking like a goddamn poo monster.
DETECTIVE 1
Security footage of you humping a pile of stuffed animals, witnesses, a prostitute that claims to have been a farm animal for you and this.
The FBI AGENT throws Mr. Blubablub on the table. He's in a plastic bag and has been throughly beat-up.
ELI
No, Mr. Blubablub! Why?
DETECTIVE 2 slaps ELI again.
DETECTIVE 2
Tell us what we want to know or else we'll shred the rest of your stuffed animals.
FBI AGENT 2 grabs the bag with Mr. Blubablub and holds it over a wood chipper that has suddenly appeared in the room.
ELI
Okay! Alright! I'm a furry! I have wet dreams about having sex with animals! I can only get off to woman pretending to be animals! I don't dress up as them though!
The DETECTIVES look at each other. One nods to the other they both exit the room.
ELI
Is that it? Where are you going?
They leave.
ELI
What's happening?
EXT. HILL
JOSH makes his way up a hill. He turns around to see the Convention Center in the distance. He's out of breath.
JOSH
Oh man, phew! I can't believe it. I'm alive! Wait, why hasn't the place been blown up yet?
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
There might have been a snafu. Hold on. Let me give them a call.
JOSH
Oh okay.
JOSH waits for a moment. He kicks some rocks. Takes off the bear mask and has a seat.
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
Alright, yeah, you still there Josh?
JOSH yells back into the head of the bear suit.
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
So, it turns out there going to blow it up tomorrow. The conference is happening all weekend so there's not much of a priority on this.
JOSH
Are you kidding me? I just ran for miles, literally miles!
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
I'm sorry. I just got-
Suddenly a jet flies over JOSH's head. The jet heads towards the convention center and drops a bomb onto it. A mushroom cloud erupts.
JOSH
Woah.
FBI AGENT 1 (V.O.)
Did they just blow that place up? Oh, man that Armando! He totally got me this time. What a jokester!
JOSH
Hey, shouldn't I get out of here? Isn't there like radiation or something?
FBI AGENT 1
Nah, hang tight kid. We'll have an evac unit on you in no time.
The other end of the radio signal goes "Bzzt. Click."
JOSH
Sweet. Hey, what's an evac unit?
No response
JOSH
Hey, Mr. FBI Agent? You there? Hello?
INT. INTERROGATION ROOM
The two DETECTIVES enter the room. ELI looks up at them.
ELI
Are you going to send me to ass prison?
DETECTIVE 2
Yes.
ELI looks shocked.
DETECTIVE 1
If you consider your old life an ass prison. You're free.
ELI
What? How? You made me confess and-
DETECTIVE 1
We just got word that the Furry Convention has been nuked. All your furry fuck friends gone.
ELI
I don't understand. What does that have to do with me?
DETECTIVE 1
A real furry would have been at that convention. Not banging hookers. You're not a furry kid. You just got issues to work out.
DETECTIVE 2
You're fucked up in the head.
DETECTIVE 1
Possibly from going to Catholic school. But we didn't really read your psych profile.
ELI
Really? Oh my, god. I feel so-
ELI is overwhelmed.
DETECTIVE 2
Don’t get all faggoty now.
DETECTIVE 1
Here, just sign this paperwork. It says that none of this ever happened or some shit. Who cares.
ElI
Happily!
EXT. POLICE STATION
ELI walks out of the Police Station. He holds Mr. Blubablub and looks like a new man. He approaches a trash can and is tempted to throw out his stuffed play thing. Instead he keeps it and continues walking.
ELI (V.O.)
This was it. This was my new lease on life. A new beginning. I was no longer bounded by my demons. I knew the truth. I have issues, damnit, and I'm proud of them.
EXT. HILL
JOSH sits on the hill. Still waiting.
Fade out.
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