Goldman Sachs Made a Shit Ton of Cash

Let's say your the CEO of a bank that's made a killing. You guys are literally lighting cigars made of $100 bills with $100 bills. There's a big problem though. You've made this money in one of the worst economic environments in the last century years. So all that money you've made looks suspicious to some and cold-hearted to others. What do you do? You could rein things in, tell people go easy on their expenses and heck donate some to a nice charity. Or you could go in another direction.



Lloyd Blankfein the CEO of Goldman Sachs has gone in that direction. Honestly, what else is he supposed to do with a 3.19 Billion dollar income? Employees of Goldman Sachs are looking at bonuses that start at $700,000. That's not an amount of money that can be spent discreetly. But when has the bank ever been subtle? Remember when they testified at the Federal Reserve and arrived in a gold plated monster truck blimp?



Of course back in the golden days of the economy (anytime before September 2008) this behavior wasn't so surprising. John Thain would routinely carpet his rooms with living human beings. Then again Thain was really into S&M. At the Goldman Sachs Tower in Jersey City Blankfein has commissioned architects to remodel it to reflect the banks wealth.



The real question is how does Goldman make all it's money? Well the answer is not that surprising. Goldman Sachs has unlocked the secret to making money: pure, unbridled sex. Apparently, by having sex near a pile of money will cause it to multiply. How do I know this? Here's the ugly proof.



It's not pretty but hey Goldman Sachs isn't in a pretty business.